No appologies needed.
Top 25 Reasons Why Guns Are Better Than Men
1.The stock of a gun will kiss your cheek and never ask for the affection to be returned. When a man kisses your cheek, you know you’re going to have to give something up.
2.Some guns can be kept in your pocket, convenient and always at the ready. Can’t say I’ve ever found a man that fits that bill, much as I’d like to.
3.Guns don’t complain it’s too hot, too wet, too dry, or too cold to get the job done, and you’ll never find them lounging on the couch surrounded by empty Budweiser bottles and Cheeto crumbs.
4.A gun never whines, “Why are you trying to change me?” when you decide to modify how it performs.
5.On some level, guns and men are the same. A little cleaning and lubrication, a little food or ammo, and they’re pretty satisfied. But a gun is cheaper to feed and clean, and you never have to worry about your gun getting a beer belly.
6.Guns have customizable, replacement parts—’nuff said.
7.Guns don’t care if you’re late, if you look fat in something, or if you haven’t worn mascara in a week.
8.Guns let you take out your PMS frustrations with them, instead of running and hiding and thinking a bottle of Midol will solve everything.
9.When a gun discharges, it’s a neat and clean affair, one where no sheets need to be washed.
10.Guns always smell good.
11.Guns let a woman be completely in control, never going off before a lady is ready.
12.When a gun has an ammo feeding problem, it doesn’t take a bottle of Viagra and an hour-long wait to fix it.
13.A gun never closes the door to the bathroom after you’ve fed it and tells you, “You don’t want to go in there for a while.”
14.A gun will never fart and hold your head under the covers—and even if one did, its farts would smell like Hoppe’s No. 9.
15.You can’t ever grip a gun too hard.
16.Guns will go shoe shopping with you, accompany you to the hair salon, and stay right by your side while you’re getting your nails done.
17.When you get tired of a gun, you can sell it and make money.
18.You can have more than one gun without breaking any laws or making your other guns jealous.
19.A girl can keep her guns locked in a safe, ready and available for whenever the mood strikes.
20.A gun will never abandon you for poker night with the guys.
21.Modern guns come with a 1-800 customer service line and an owner’s manual.
22.Today’s guns have warranties, some of them lifetime!
23.If a gun has a malfunction or safety recall, you get notified and the gun gets fixed for free.
24.You can shop for a gun at dedicated stores and shows, with tags that say exactly what they are and how much they’re going to cost you. You can also custom order a gun exactly to your specifications!
25.Finally, I’d have to say I’ve always gotten more bang for my buck with a gun. Not that I’ve ever paid a man for anything, but oh, ohhh, how a man will cost you.
