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Author Topic: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent  (Read 1278 times)

Offline Gary

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Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« on: March 31, 2013, 12:11:05 PM »
After months of looking, I found a job, finally. Trouble is, it is as a TSA agent. I start Monday, tomorrow. In the agreement I signed, I agreed to sell all my guns, and surrender the assault weapons to them, along with high capacity mags. They will let me keep a shotgun, in accordance with Joe Biden's directive.

 I get a three day training course then it is off to the airport to fondle troublemakers, as my new boss puts it. We also do lots of bra and panty checks of the 18 to 34 year olds, if they look interesting, I am told.

 In the interview, to get the job, I had to nark out my neighbors that have no fishing permits, have bottle rockets on the forth of July, and drink two liter bottles of pop. At first I almost did not turn them in, but I got a twenty five dollar bonus for doing so, and I figured, why not take the money?

 My bosses also wanted to know which of my friends and relatives own guns, and what kinds they are. I told them, but I felt bad afterwords, that was until I realized that was what Obama wanted me to do, then it was ok.

 I will be working thirty hours a week at the airport, and ten hours at Wal-Mart, undercover, watching people buy ammo, and reporting their licence plate numbers. That sounds like fun.

 If I get past the 90 day probation period, and everyone does, I will make supervisor, and will start recruiting my friends that I think will follow Obama orders to do what we are told, no questions asked.

 This is a sweet job, and all I need to do is follow orders to trample on rights, people should not have anyway.

 Monday morning comes early, off to Wal-Mart to practice writting down licence plates and spy on the ammo sales, then off to bed so I can get up early Monday .

Offline CliffD

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2013, 12:43:21 PM »
I will be at the Wal-Mart near Irvington Exit around 1:45 to get some fishing supplies. I doubt they have will have any ammo I want, but if they do, I will buy it. My truck is a red F-250 4X4 and will likely be parked on the eastern side of the parking lot for about 20 minutes.

Hey, congrats on the new job :)

Offline Gary

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2013, 03:34:20 PM »
I will be at the Wal-Mart near Irvington Exit around 1:45 to get some fishing supplies. I doubt they have will have any ammo I want, but if they do, I will buy it. My truck is a red F-250 4X4 and will likely be parked on the eastern side of the parking lot for about 20 minutes.

Hey, congrats on the new job :)




Thanks for the help.  Can you wear a pink party hat so I will be sure to spot you?

Offline OnTheFly

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2013, 06:21:27 PM »
Ok...I understand that a good portion of your post was tongue-in-cheek, but are you serious about the TSA job?

Fly
Si vis pacem, para bellum

Offline Gary

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2013, 06:58:37 PM »
Ok...I understand that a good portion of your post was tongue-in-cheek, but are you serious about the TSA job?

Fly

Monday, is the key.

Offline OnTheFly

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2013, 07:16:33 PM »
And I said THIS year I wasn't going to be suckered into any A1st pranks. Well played sir...well played.

Fly
Si vis pacem, para bellum

Offline Gary

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2013, 11:28:05 AM »
And I said THIS year I wasn't going to be suckered into any A1st pranks. Well played sir...well played.

Fly

Thanks!

Offline Gary

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2013, 09:05:24 PM »
The instructor had field hockey tickets for some game in NJ, so he filled out a travel voucher for his whole family, and got first class airline tickets on the house, including hotel room accommodations for pilots.    He has worked for TSA about 4 months, so he knows all the little tricks.

Because several of the airport TSA agents went with them, rather than training, we were put in the field for on the job training, first day.   

For heavens sakes, some people sure get rattled when you reach down their pants. 

For the first few months, the new guys get old people, short people, fat people, and such.   One big woman today, shifted a little as I was going in, and I got my arm stuck between her and her machete.  I tried to verify it was ok for to have that, and all my bosses were on break, so I let her go.  Just glad to have my arm back. 

Taking tomorrow off, going to a Lakers game.  Heck, why not?  :laugh:   

Offline SS_N_NE

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Re: Got A New Job As A TSA Agent
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2013, 10:09:57 PM »
Talk like that will get your name put on a list, and you will not be able to pass a background check.
Then you will not even get to keep your "Biden" shotgun.