Dealing with friends and family who don't like guns

[ALiesveld]

So, as the title suggests, I'd like to get some discussion going on dealing with people close to you who don't like guns. My mother isn't exactly terrified of guns and she can tolerate them being in her house, but she strongly dislikes the idea of me carrying one. Not that that has any chance of stopping me, but being the loving son that I am, I don't like making mom worry about me owning guns in general. 

So my question is, how do you go about changing a mother or a friends opinion on guns? How do you make them more comfortable with the fact that you carry them?

What makes this complex for me is that logic fails when trying to explain why its plenty safe. They're overcome by the fear of a worst case scenario. My mother specifically insists that I'll make a mistake.

My plan is to try to show her how they operate and try to address her concerns as she raises them. The tough part will be getting her to allow me to hold a gun in her presence.

[dcjulie]

I used to not like guns, but then I shot one!   Now, I am a happy gun-owner and shoot competitively (albeit poorly).  Having said that, it is very difficult to change someone's opinion of something when their opinion is based solely on emotion and non-factual information.  I would also suggest that you have a conversation with her about the safety issues of the "tool" that is the gun WITHOUT having the gun around, first.  If she seems receptive, then bringing the unloaded gun into her presence is a good idea.  Be sure to let her know that there is no ammo anywhere around so it can not possibly cause any damage.  Take it apart and show her the individual parts.  Let her know how it works.  You can also offer to send her to a basic safety course (NRA Basic Pistol comes to mind).  I find that for a lot of women (such as myself), knowing how something works removes a lot of the fear surrounding it.

If you have female friends who shoot, enlist their help.  Heck I'd be happy to talk to her!

(Shameless plug time:  Precision Response Training does a great NRA Basic Pistol course - the student gets to shoot spring loaded air soft guns first, before moving to .22 or 9mm)

[David Hineline]

Concealed is concealed, you don't talk to your mom about your sex life, but she knows you have one, no reason to discuss it at all.

[lneuke]

Concealed is concealed, you don't talk to your mom about your sex life, but she knows you have one, no reason to discuss it at all.

I take this same approach, but I understand where ALiesveld is coming from.  Honestly, it really bothers me when people are so ignorant to a subject yet so emotional about it to shut themselves off from a learning opportunity.  I think it would be great if my own mother had a better understanding of guns and why they shouldn't be feared, but I just never took the time to sit down through her emotional anti-gun BS to try to show her the logic. 

Some people are just so set in their ways for no apparent reason that it's fruitless to argue with them.  Bring up anything about the subject and they just escalate the volume until reasoning can't be heard.

[ALiesveld]

Concealed is concealed, you don't talk to your mom about your sex life, but she knows you have one, no reason to discuss it at all.

Sure. But I think my mom wants grandchildren.  Gun conversation happens a little more commonly than sex conversation too.

If that's how it has to be then, yeah, I'll strive for that. If I can change her mind then why not?

[metaldoc]

There's another aspect to consider... your mother's safety may one day depend on a firearm.  Lots of mothers and grandmothers carry concealed and there have been numerous reports of elderly ladies defending themselves with guns.  (Just read The Armed Citizen in the American Rifleman magazine.)

There is some really good information from Kathy Jackson at her website, "The Cornered Cat", that would help you in your efforts to educate mom.

http://www.corneredcat.com/Contents/

[Waltherfan]

Your Mom doesn't sound like she's anti gun, just anti you carrying. "Worry" is one of the things Mothers do about their kids for all their life. She may be afraid you'll get in a situation with a gun that you may not have gotten in without it.

The late great Johnny Cash:

[Ronvandyn]

I agree with all of the above, but most specifically with Julie.  Most folks who confess (or announce) that they dont like guns have never really been exposed to them in a trusted learning enviornment.  They have for the most part only what information they see on TV or read in the paper on which to base their opinions.  Honestly, neither of those are good places to learn about guns. 

Ron

[cckyle]

Just ask her, which scenario would be preferred? You unknowingly are in the wrong place at the wrong time one day (which can happen to anyone) and become a victim and are killed or seriously injured because you had no way to defend yourself, or you were (unknowingly) in the wrong place at the wrong time, but had a means of self defense and were able to utilize it and live to tell her about it? Which phone call would be worse?
Of course you have to back this up by showing how you always carry responsibly and explain what carrying responsibly means to you (i.e. things like going out of your way to de-escalate or things of that nature).
If this doesn't work, then it's possible nothing will.  I know the feeling of disappointment or misunderstanding by parents can make you feel bad even as an adult yourself, but hey you are an adult, and your moms gonna love you whether you carry or not.  Time may be a factor here to, if over time you show your not gonna mess up or go looking for trouble or things of that sort, quiet possibly she may warm up to the idea. I have gone through this same thing with my mom in the past, and she says of course I would rather you have a means to protect yourself if that time ever came, but I just worry.  She's a mom it's what moms do.     

[ALiesveld]

Thanks for the responses. I've made progress and she's getting more logical about it. If I could find the proper venue or situation to get her to sit down and talk about firearms.  I don't want to force it. So I'll have to let it come with time. I think from the discussions I've had with her, she's become more comfortable with me carrying.